Day 216/365 The Crying Camel

We do this to ourselves as parents, I know this. We set ourselves up for disappointment by having an expectation of how a certain day or activity will go.

I don’t often have my girls on the weekends. In the summer months and other school breaks we are spoiled with lots of free time together. However, during the school year we do not have many days together in which we don’t have to run out the door for school in the morning.

I had the girls overnight on Saturday, and I had visions of a leisurely morning of bonding and board games, pancakes and pumpkin carving.

The morning did not start out smoothly. One somewhat grumpy child irked the other, and before long they were at war.

I tried to let them resolve it on their own, but at a certain point, I got pulled into it. As the last proverbial straw was laid upon the camel’s back (me being the camel), I burst into tears.  (I know, the camel didn’t cry – he broke his back, but whatever. I’m thinking he did both).

My waterworks surprised us all. I hadn’t had a good cry in a while, and once the floodgates opened, I bawled. It was a number of things, of course, that contributed to my undoing…my lack of sleep, pent up emotion about the Elephant, the arrival of my monthly bill, and the unrealistic expectation of the perfect morning, just to name a few. 

I felt terrible because the girls, of course, thought my tears were all their fault. I am all for letting my kids see me experience authentic feelings, but…I know better than to make my children feel responsible for my feelings…and in that moment, I know they did.

I left the room to pull myself together, and Beau came after me, asking if I was okay. As I was nodding and blowing into a tissue, we heard the front door slam. We both knew this meant Ruby had left the house. I sighed, feeling defeated.

“I’ve got it,” Beau said, and out the door she went.

Provocateur turned peacemaker, just like that.

After I took a few minutes to collect myself, I went toward the front door to see what I could do to help with the peacemaking mission. What I saw was this…

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This moment took my breath away, and it let me know we will be okay, we three.

Love is all we need.

(Thank goodness, because we were out of pancake mix…and eggs…)

 

136/365 The Canary Breaks Free

“I need to tell you something while we are alone,” she said.

We were headed to meet some friends for dinner.

Naturally, I thought she was dying.

So, it was actually a relief when she told me she was just moving to the other side of the country.

Well played, Lynette.


I always want people to follow their bliss, their dreams, wherever their gut tells them to go. I run a small business, and anytime someone leaves to pursue other interests (although the majority of the time the “other interest” is having a baby) I never get upset.

If someone feels called to be somewhere else…then that’s where they should go.

Onward!

I feel the same way about Lynette moving to California.

Except, I also want to wrap my arms around her ankles and force her to drag me as she goes.

If you’ve ever felt a real loss in your life, you know the void a person can leave in their absence.  When I gather with my family, I feel the void left by my father all the time.

So now, we will also have a Lynette-sized void in New England.

It’s a big one. I mean – disproportionately big, seeing as she is all of 5 foot 2.

Lynette, my love for you is cavernous.

You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. Truly.

I hope that you find all that you seek in California.

But first, please seek an apartment with room for guests.

See you next weekend.

(Kidding, I’m actually hiding in your trunk right now. When are we leaving?  It’s hot in here, and I’ve already eaten all the organic muesli and kombucha. These snacks are bullshit, by the way).

 

 

 

 

Day 108/365 Sisters

I never had a sister, growing up.  Consequently, I often find myself in awe of the relationship between my two girls. They are two and a half years apart in age. They love each other so much, and they play so beautifully together – until they don’t. Sometimes they say and do really mean things to each other. One will vow never to play with the other ever again.  Moments later they may be found snuggled up together reading a book.  They love so deeply that forgiveness is nothing.

Their feelings toward each other are intense. They feel each other deeply. I trust completely that no matter what life throws at them, they will always protect each other.

They will love each other through it all.

For many years now I have been an honorary sister…a Roche sister.  The bonds we have formed are intense. I venture to say that seeing each other through such things as we have – miscarriage, divorce, infidelity, to name a few…these experiences have bonded us as heavily as any sibling upbringing could.

We feel each other deeply. I trust completely that no matter what life throws at us, we will always protect each other.

Sometimes we nearly pee our pants laughing, tears streaming down our faces. Other times our hearts break right there with our sister’s.  The pain of one can be felt by all.

I guess that’s the beauty of sharing one’s life with siblings – both of the biological and of the chosen sort.

We buckle up for the ride, and it can be a wild one – but we wouldn’t trade it for anything.