Tag: gratitude

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Day 325/365 Let There Be Color

This weekend we celebrated my mother’s birthday. I told her I’ve never been happier to celebrate someone’s birthday…and that’s the truth. While still mourning my father, the idea that my mother might not survive breast cancer this year was a very real and visceral fear for all of us.  Coming around to her birthday – cancer free – was truly something to celebrate.  I … Read More Day 325/365 Let There Be Color

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Day 261/365 Nevertheless…Oh, Never Mind

Just a quick thought tonight for I am utterly exhausted… Never underestimate the power of a listening ear, a well timed joke, or a hug. If you happen to be able to find all three in one place, that is worth its weight in gold. Never mind, that doesn’t work as a metaphor. Not one of those three things weigh a damn thing. I … Read More Day 261/365 Nevertheless…Oh, Never Mind

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Day 260/365 The Lessons We Don’t Teach

After I picked the girls up at the bus stop this afternoon, I had to bring them back to work with me. This happens from time to time, and they actually don’t mind it. Afterward I treated them to a dinner out. {Side story – One night the girls and I had just finished up a meal at a restaurant. On our way out … Read More Day 260/365 The Lessons We Don’t Teach

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Day 258/365 Finding Gratitude (and even inspiration) Within Pain

Throughout my life I have predominantly had a positive outlook. I have always lived with the understanding that everything happens for a reason. I have trusted that there is a purpose to every experience….that we are all being led somewhere…being taught or shown what we need to learn in this life. We can choose to see it that way – or not.  I had … Read More Day 258/365 Finding Gratitude (and even inspiration) Within Pain

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Day 257/365 Just Like People

I used to spend a lot of time picking out the perfect Christmas tree. I’d wander around in the cold, agonizing over each one – its height, its symmetry… I did not take the decision lightly. Eventually my children began to weigh in on the selection process, and their criteria weren’t quite as….clear as mine. It was hard to let go of being in … Read More Day 257/365 Just Like People

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Day 250/365 Why Dogs Are Happier Than People

This afternoon I bundled up for a walk with Louie. I threw on my dad’s hoodie sweatshirt, which usually hangs comfortingly on the back of my bedroom door (I’m not really one for sweatshirts – I’ve saved his purely for sentimental reasons). Having it on under by coat felt like a warm hug. It felt like I was taking him with me. As I … Read More Day 250/365 Why Dogs Are Happier Than People

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Day 248/365 Do I Know Who I Am Without It?

I saw this quote on Facebook yesterday… A friend of mine had posted it, and one of my closest friends “liked” it, and so obviously it was directed specifically at me, because I don’t know about you but every potentially “negative” comment to which I can even remotely relate, is clearly about me. (Am I right?) This comment really cut me, and any time … Read More Day 248/365 Do I Know Who I Am Without It?

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Day 247/365 A Bundle of Gratitude

I have always been adamantly opposed to putting up a Christmas tree in November. This year, though, I really wanted to decorate for Christmas early. “Bring on the shine and the joy!” I thought. We went and picked out a tree yesterday. As a single woman, lugging the tree off of the top of my car and carrying it into the house myself brings … Read More Day 247/365 A Bundle of Gratitude

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Day 245/365 Like the Stars at Noon

“Yet that light is always present, like the stars at noon.” – Peter Matthiessen, “The Snow Leopard” Depression and grief have been frustrating emotions for me. They are hollowing, damp and heavy emotions, and being IN them is hard in and of itself, but for me the hardest part has been knowing these emotions are not my true nature. I know the lightness of which … Read More Day 245/365 Like the Stars at Noon

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Day 239/365 The Canary Flies Home and Other Birthday Blessings

It was Friday night and Mom and I had spent the day as we do each week…a few hours at the infusion center followed by dinner together and an overnight. This scheduled time together, though for an entirely shitty reason, has become important to both of us. Ironically she feels best on the day she receives the infusion.  Aunt Anne and Uncle Ed had planned … Read More Day 239/365 The Canary Flies Home and Other Birthday Blessings

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Day 237/365 Who Holds The Spotlight

This blog has felt therapeutic and cathartic to me in my grieving process. I love (and hate) the process of calling out my demons – fear, anxiety, shame, and sadness. By saying,  “I SEE YOU!” and shining light upon them, I feel as though I rob them of some of their power. It doesn’t change the fact that those feelings live within me, but calling them … Read More Day 237/365 Who Holds The Spotlight

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Day 235/365 Do You Remember What The Nothing Was?

You have no idea how desperately I want to write something incredibly hilarious and lighthearted for all of you. I think one of the hardest parts about being depressed is that you become entirely sick of yourself. I can only imagine you are growing weary of my weighty entries as well. Still, if this is to be an authentic way for me to share my … Read More Day 235/365 Do You Remember What The Nothing Was?