Tag: death

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Day 327/365 “The Air a Library”

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my father. Sometimes these thoughts wrap me in a blanket of melancholy. Other times they bring on a smile or even an audible laugh. The stupidest things remind me of him – like my daughter asking me if I ever saw “Bedtime for Bonzo” (she was reading about Ronald Reagan). I never did see … Read More Day 327/365 “The Air a Library”

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Day 325/365 Let There Be Color

This weekend we celebrated my mother’s birthday. I told her I’ve never been happier to celebrate someone’s birthday…and that’s the truth. While still mourning my father, the idea that my mother might not survive breast cancer this year was a very real and visceral fear for all of us.  Coming around to her birthday – cancer free – was truly something to celebrate.  I … Read More Day 325/365 Let There Be Color

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Day 315/365 Your Father’s Favorite

It hit me today unexpectedly, and with the sudden force of a freight train. I was sitting there, in my parents’ house, having coffee with my mother.  I had spent the night, and I was enjoying a cozy and relaxed morning in my pajamas. She pointed to an enlarged photograph behind me on the wall and said, “I should probably change that to something … Read More Day 315/365 Your Father’s Favorite

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Day 314/365 A Blog Mostly Full

One year ago (one year and two days, to be precise) I announced that I was going to write a blog a day for 365 days. You may ask… What the hell were you thinking? That’s a fair question – and one I have asked myself more than once. The answer is…I was drowning, and somehow I knew that writing would help me to keep … Read More Day 314/365 A Blog Mostly Full

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Day 308/365 Are You REALLY Okay?

Once, when I was twenty-two, I was duct taped to a board for several hours. [I thought that might get your attention.] Okay fine, I am sure it wasn’t actually duct tape…coulda been some kind of a strap, I suppose….and maybe it was actually some kind of spinal board EMT’s use. It probably wasn’t a couple of hours, either, but it sure felt that … Read More Day 308/365 Are You REALLY Okay?

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Day 290/365 The Way You Made Us Feel

Today is my father’s birthday. He would have been 72 years old. Everyone I have ever talked to about losing a parent has said that the loss has stayed with them, always. To me it feels like a hole that can never be filled. I can learn not to fall into it so easily. I can even plant flowers around it to make it … Read More Day 290/365 The Way You Made Us Feel

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Day 278/365 Neither Here Nor There

Harveys are dreamers…literally. We tend to have very vivid dreams. I know I have mentioned this before, but… It’s late, and I am up writing because Beau (my eleven year old) woke me up from a sound sleep by calling out for me, urgently. I went in to check on her and soon realized she was not awake at all. She said in a … Read More Day 278/365 Neither Here Nor There

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Day 274/365 I’ve Gotta Go, I Love You

Sometimes I find it really hard to write the blog because my head is so filled with something that I don’t want to share, either because it’s too mortifying (yeah, there’s stuff in here I don’t share – scary considering all I do share, I know) or because I feel like people are tired of my whining. I really don’t walk around like Eeyore … Read More Day 274/365 I’ve Gotta Go, I Love You

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Day 272/365 Recycling the Year

Perhaps a bit too eagerly, I pulled the 2017 calendar off of the wall last week. I took it down and threw it into the recycling bin. Good riddance 2017. A few minutes later, I circled back into the kitchen and I fished it back out again. For whatever reason, I had to take one last look at it – at this terrible train … Read More Day 272/365 Recycling the Year

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Day 247/365 A Bundle of Gratitude

I have always been adamantly opposed to putting up a Christmas tree in November. This year, though, I really wanted to decorate for Christmas early. “Bring on the shine and the joy!” I thought. We went and picked out a tree yesterday. As a single woman, lugging the tree off of the top of my car and carrying it into the house myself brings … Read More Day 247/365 A Bundle of Gratitude

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Day 228/365 It May Be What You Want, but It Was Never What You Wanted

The thing about divorce is that even when it is absolutely what a couple wants, it was never what they wanted. A few months after my separation I wrote a letter about how I was feeling, and I addressed how my loved ones (who were struggling to know how to help me) could help. It was a private letter initially, but about a year or so … Read More Day 228/365 It May Be What You Want, but It Was Never What You Wanted

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Day 213/365 Death’s Time Warp

The weird thing about death – or at least one of the weird things – is how it distorts time. It has been ten months since we lost my dad, yet sometimes it feels like just a few days since I last saw him. As I write this I am sitting on the couch in his house, and part of me expects to hear … Read More Day 213/365 Death’s Time Warp