Tag: dad

+

Day 315/365 Your Father’s Favorite

It hit me today unexpectedly, and with the sudden force of a freight train. I was sitting there, in my parents’ house, having coffee with my mother.  I had spent the night, and I was enjoying a cozy and relaxed morning in my pajamas. She pointed to an enlarged photograph behind me on the wall and said, “I should probably change that to something … Read More Day 315/365 Your Father’s Favorite

+

Day 314/365 A Blog Mostly Full

One year ago (one year and two days, to be precise) I announced that I was going to write a blog a day for 365 days. You may ask… What the hell were you thinking? That’s a fair question – and one I have asked myself more than once. The answer is…I was drowning, and somehow I knew that writing would help me to keep … Read More Day 314/365 A Blog Mostly Full

+

Day 290/365 The Way You Made Us Feel

Today is my father’s birthday. He would have been 72 years old. Everyone I have ever talked to about losing a parent has said that the loss has stayed with them, always. To me it feels like a hole that can never be filled. I can learn not to fall into it so easily. I can even plant flowers around it to make it … Read More Day 290/365 The Way You Made Us Feel

+

Day 274/365 I’ve Gotta Go, I Love You

Sometimes I find it really hard to write the blog because my head is so filled with something that I don’t want to share, either because it’s too mortifying (yeah, there’s stuff in here I don’t share – scary considering all I do share, I know) or because I feel like people are tired of my whining. I really don’t walk around like Eeyore … Read More Day 274/365 I’ve Gotta Go, I Love You

+

Day 226/365 Signs

After my dad died I went to see a medium. “Have you received any signs from your dad since he crossed over?” she asked. “Umm…I don’t know, maybe?” I said, awkwardly. The truth was, I didn’t really feel like I had, not since the hawk visited me in the ICU. Somehow I didn’t want to say that, though. I wanted to believe. Ten months … Read More Day 226/365 Signs

+

Day 213/365 Death’s Time Warp

The weird thing about death – or at least one of the weird things – is how it distorts time. It has been ten months since we lost my dad, yet sometimes it feels like just a few days since I last saw him. As I write this I am sitting on the couch in his house, and part of me expects to hear … Read More Day 213/365 Death’s Time Warp

+

Day 198/365 Say It

The other day I ran into my dad’s former administrative assistant at the grocery store. She worked for him for twenty years – most of her adult life (she isn’t old!). He loved her. We spoke for just a few minutes. At the end of our conversation, she said, “I still really miss your dad.” I’m not even sure what I said in response…whether … Read More Day 198/365 Say It

+

Day 183/365 A Witness

I am not an addict…but somehow I imagine the way I feel today must be somewhat similar to how an addict feels when she has relapsed. I was doing so well. I’ve worked so hard. If you have been following this blog from the beginning, you know that I started it six months ago because I needed to pull myself out of a depression. … Read More Day 183/365 A Witness

+

Day 177/365 Papa Did This

We spent the weekend in one of my favorite places on Earth, with many of my favorite people. Summer, I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you. Thanks for humoring me. Sitting out on the dock last night, we watched the most beautiful sunset unfold. Beau leaned into me and whispered, “I think Papa did this for us.” She meant the sunset, of course, … Read More Day 177/365 Papa Did This

+

Day 160/365 Chronic

In my experience, the “stages of grief” are a real thing…denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Just start reading through my blog from the beginning, and you’ll see them all here in my writing. I would add, at least for me, it hasn’t been a linear experience. Sometimes I go through all of the stages in one day, only to start from the top … Read More Day 160/365 Chronic

+

Day 155/365 An Unexpected Visit

Vibrant dreams (literal dreams) run in my family.  There was a point when my mother had to forbid my father to watch spy shows (he loved 24 with Keifer Sutherland) after he karate chopped her in her sleep in order to protect the President. When I was younger I used to remember my dreams vividly.  Beau does now, and has even begun to keep … Read More Day 155/365 An Unexpected Visit

+

Day 153/365 Runaway Thought Train

I’m a woman with a wandering mind… My thoughts sometimes flow rapid fire…to the point where I’ll end up thinking about a trip I took twenty years ago and I’ll wonder, “How did my mind get here?” I go back and try to trace my mental steps from my original thought (which was probably something like, I think we’re out of milk). When one … Read More Day 153/365 Runaway Thought Train