Category: Love & Loss

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Day 62/365 I’m Not Crazy…Yet.

Lately I have been having some issues (umm, maybe you know that already from reading this blog…).  I can’t tell if they are actually getting worse, or if I am just being harder on myself because I feel like I should feel better by now. It has been five months since dad died. I have been doing things like forgetting appointments, misjudging my schedule … Read More Day 62/365 I’m Not Crazy…Yet.

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Day 59/365 Trapeze, No Net?

Yesterday I wrote about how being partnerless on Mother’s Day feels a bit lonely. I wondered why I felt this way this year, when I’ve been a single parent for the past three. Somehow being without a partner was feeling heavier to me this year. Running it all through my mind in a stream of consciousness way…Mother’s Day….Mother’s Day without a husband, not so … Read More Day 59/365 Trapeze, No Net?

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Day 57/365 For John

I wrote this two years ago after losing my cousin, John, to alcoholism. Yesterday I wrote about his daughter, Megan, and I wanted to include this here as well. I’ve been told it’s a worthwhile piece for those with loved ones struggling, or those who struggle themselves, with alcoholism. …….. This week I lost someone I loved to alcoholism. People never really write that, … Read More Day 57/365 For John

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Day 56/365 The Loss in Me Sees The Loss in You

Among us on our family vacation has been the daughter of my cousin, John. Megan is eleven. She lost her dad when she was eight. John was wonderful, except when he wasn’t. Those of you who have loved an alcoholic understand what I mean by that. He was charming, smart and funny. He was especially adored by young children and women of all ages … Read More Day 56/365 The Loss in Me Sees The Loss in You

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Day 55/365 One More Last Time

Last night as we were getting ready to head down to the beach for the sunset, I began to imagine what it would be like to have dad back for just one more sunset. He loved the sunsets. I thought, what if we could stand on the footbridge one more time with him and watch as another “day in paradise” (as he would say) … Read More Day 55/365 One More Last Time

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Day 52/365 Autopilot Brain

My family and I are in a paradise of a vacation locale, one that we come to every year. This is the first year (in maybe, 20?) that I have ever come on this trip without my dad. So here is what is on my mind today… It’s a funny thing when you lose someone close to you. It takes while for your brain … Read More Day 52/365 Autopilot Brain

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Day 48/365 More is Revealed

“Are you dating anyone?” he asked. “No” I said, feeling a sudden and powerful discomfort. “Why not?” he probed, not unkindly. “I don’t really have time,” I said. “Between having the girls five days a week and running a business…” I trailed off, perhaps knowing it’s a complete lie. You make time for what you want. I didn’t share the words that were resting on my … Read More Day 48/365 More is Revealed

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Day 26/365 It’s Not About Daffodils

Every year at this time, when the daffodils appear, I think of the poem by William Wordsworth, “I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud” Do you know that one? He stumbles across a massive field of daffodils. He stops and marvels at it, not realizing as he does so that he is creating a memory that will bring him joy for many years to come. … Read More Day 26/365 It’s Not About Daffodils

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Day 25/365 We’re All Mad Here, Alice

Earlier today I was all set to serve you up a post about daffodils….trying to stick to the gratitude theme and all.  However, writing about those sprightly little bits of sunshine today seemed, well…at best, insincere, and at worst, like I was shoveling BS. (Maybe I shouldn’t say that on account of the lovely daffodil post you may very well be reading tomorrow! 365 days, … Read More Day 25/365 We’re All Mad Here, Alice

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Day 19/365 Two Sh*ts

I have always thought of myself as a very lucky person.  In fact, years ago, I would worry that things were just too good.  It was like I had some deep “knowing” that my life could not possibly continue to go as smoothly as it had been.  For sure, I felt “dipped in it.”  I had two beautiful and healthy children, a loving husband, and … Read More Day 19/365 Two Sh*ts

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Day 9/365 – SNAKESKIN

It has been exactly two months since my father passed away, and I have had a very bizarre weekend, emotionally. Alone for the first time in weeks, I experienced huge fluctuations in emotion – from giddily dancing around my bedroom to Stevie Wonder in my underwear, to bawling my eyes out on my couch. When I feel truly happy these days it is such an … Read More Day 9/365 – SNAKESKIN

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Day 3/365 – IN HIS SHOES

I spent the hours of 2am-4am staring at my bedroom ceiling, thinking about the past year of my life. I haven’t shared much about my personal challenges throughout the past year, because much of it involves the journeys of others whose lives are intertwined with mine. Therefore the story is not mine alone, though the impact on my life has been immense. I realized … Read More Day 3/365 – IN HIS SHOES