Category: Love & Loss

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Day 327/365 “The Air a Library”

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my father. Sometimes these thoughts wrap me in a blanket of melancholy. Other times they bring on a smile or even an audible laugh. The stupidest things remind me of him – like my daughter asking me if I ever saw “Bedtime for Bonzo” (she was reading about Ronald Reagan). I never did see … Read More Day 327/365 “The Air a Library”

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Day 323/365 Totally Doable

Lately I have been feeling really happy… Sunshine-y, even. I have been in a make-sure-you-tell-people-you-love-them (and not because you’re afraid they’re gonna die but just because you love them) kind of mood. A random-acts-of-kindness kind of mood. A mood of expansion, a gesture of openness….a heart open wide to life and love, and their infinite possibilities. I think it all started when we were … Read More Day 323/365 Totally Doable

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Day 321/365 Her Lens

I have told the story before about how, after my father’s death, I became more keenly aware of a lack of photos of my mother. The reason being, she is an avid and talented photographer, thus is always behind the lens. When I mentioned this to my mother, she said, “When I die, I will leave behind photos of all of the people, places … Read More Day 321/365 Her Lens

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Day 317/365 I Like My Humor Dark, Like My Coffee (or Google is an Asshole, Part 2)

{Click here and read that one first.} By the time my mother told us she had breast cancer, her doctors already had a plan in place – chemo, then surgery. On the last day of chemo, suddenly the plan was changed to chemo, surgery, then radiation. This was disappointing, especially to my mother, who had plans to enjoy her spring, cancer and treatment free. Two days … Read More Day 317/365 I Like My Humor Dark, Like My Coffee (or Google is an Asshole, Part 2)

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Day 316/365 Google is an Asshole

“I am concerned about two areas on the lung x-ray that look as though they could be related to the cancer,” he said. What I heard was, “Your mother now has lung cancer.” Wait…but….she just finished chemo. How can she have NEW cancer already?  I used to be an eternal optimist. Even now I can pull out an “Everything is going to be fine!” … Read More Day 316/365 Google is an Asshole

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Day 315/365 Your Father’s Favorite

It hit me today unexpectedly, and with the sudden force of a freight train. I was sitting there, in my parents’ house, having coffee with my mother.  I had spent the night, and I was enjoying a cozy and relaxed morning in my pajamas. She pointed to an enlarged photograph behind me on the wall and said, “I should probably change that to something … Read More Day 315/365 Your Father’s Favorite

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Day 306/365 A Nice Ring To It

The other day, while out at breakfast with friends, I noticed one of them wearing a really beautiful engagement ring. She has been married for a couple of years now…so the ring wasn’t the news of the day or anything. It’s just that I happened to notice it, and to think of my own beautiful engagement ring…which has been tucked away for over four … Read More Day 306/365 A Nice Ring To It

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Day 304/365 Show Up

Some of you, especially those who have been reading this blog from the beginning, have come to regard me as somewhat of an expert on grief. Well…let me clarify… I am not certain that I have had any revelations that literally anyone else who has experienced loss hasn’t had – but what I have done is share my thoughts and feelings about my father’s … Read More Day 304/365 Show Up

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Day 302/365 No Words

Today was a hard day. My friend, Jaime, was laid to rest. It was incredibly touching to see the community of support around his family, and to bear witness as we all tried our best to collectively shoulder the enormous weight of our grief.  Honestly, I was completely wrecked by his grieving children, who must live with the cruel paradox of having had the … Read More Day 302/365 No Words

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The Thing About Jaime

The world lost a beautiful man last night. I struggled writing this, as it just seems so wrong…writing about him in the past tense. I kept writing “He is” and having to go back and correct myself…He was. It seems impossible that someone who shone so brightly could leave us so soon. I remember a story about when Jaime met Melissa, his future wife. … Read More The Thing About Jaime

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Day 299/365 Gone

This week there has been a hole in my heart…and in my home. My eight year old daughter has been gone all week on a school trip. At her Waldorf school, the third graders traditionally go off for a week to a farm about three hours away. They learn about animal care and farming. They milk cows, make yogurt, and feed piglets…among other things. … Read More Day 299/365 Gone

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Day 293/365 Fear is a Needy Neighbor, Maybe I Should Fix Her Up

When you have dealt with fear a lot over a short period of time, there are some benefits – the biggest one being, it is not an unfamiliar sensation. You don’t have to go through that, “Oh shit, what is this feeling? inner dialogue.  You know…and you usually understand why it is being revealed in a particular moment or circumstance. For those of us who … Read More Day 293/365 Fear is a Needy Neighbor, Maybe I Should Fix Her Up