130/365 “The Monthly Bill”

Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that I have started to feel a lot better. I’ve been generally happy and grateful, and not easy rattled.

Today, that seemed to come to an abrupt halt. I was driving to work, thinking about everything that has transpired in my life over the past year and a half, and I felt the emotions sweep over me – sadness, fear, confusion, anger…

I know it seems like I share just about everything here, but believe me, there’s an awful lot in the “just about” category.

I got angry about all of the things my children have had to process – so much death, change, and uncertainty.

They are doing so well  right now…and so am I, more or less…so this emotional spiral caught me off guard.

When I got to work I felt exhausted. I walked in and told my colleague, “I just don’t wanna today.”

She said, “So don’t.  See ya.”

Bless her, but “No,” I said, “I’m staying.” (Deal with it.)

I teared up once or twice thinking about how much I miss my dad, but I plugged through the day.  I chalked it up to what my brother, Ryan, calls a “Dad day”. Just one of those days in which it hits you and stays with you….the loss.

I got home and just wanted to draw the curtains and curl up in my bed for a half an hour. Blessedly the girls were in good spirits and went off playing.

Then I started doing a little calculating and it hit me…it’s that time of the month.

Don’t hate me for saying it. I know it is beyond irritating when others (namely, men) make an assumption, when we are emotional, that we have our period.

However, I have to admit that quite often in my case – this is spot on.

Still reading?

I totally understand if this isn’t where you thought this was going…and you’re out.

Too much information, thank you very much.

Hey, I’m looking at it as a public service…

To my female friends – I am here to say its okay to admit when we are influenced by our bodies in this way.  It does not make us weak. It makes us women. If you think about the work our bodies are doing during menstruation, it is no wonder we are tired, generally uncomfortable, headachy, sometimes even in terrible pain…stomach troubles, hormone changes….not to mention the actual shedding of blood and cells from our bodies. We literally prepare to create a new human being every single month, and then break that all back down again. 

Male friends – do not under any circumstances make an assumption about the “monthly bill” being the reason for a female’s emotional state.  That being said, if she generously provides you with this information in the way of an explanation…be kind.

Personally, I find it to be a relief when it dawns on me that I can explain my sudden mood shifts.

I say “sudden” because comically, I never seem to see it coming…

At exactly four week intervals.

The cliché irks me a bit, I’ll admit it….but then I get over it, and I think – thank God, this will only take a few days.

Until then, tread lightly…and pass the damn chocolate.