Last night I went on an online dating site. Something I have seen work out well for some friends, but to which I have been adamantly opposed for myself. I think I was just feeling curious. The irony is I had cancelled two sets of plans that day because I just wanted to be alone.
What can I say? I’m a complicated woman.
Anyway, it started out harmless enough – height (why?), (blessedly) no weight inquiry, level of education, interests (which was a bit confusing, because, um…I am not interested in cooking, but I’m interested in men who are interested in cooking for me – so do I put that as an interest? What if he also hates to cook and puts it as an interest because he is interested in women who are interested in it? That would be disappointing all around!).
Then, “Tell us about yourself.”
I thought of just linking my blog there, and leaving it at that.
Let’s face it you guys – as much as you might be enjoying the emotional rollercoaster ride I am vicariously taking you on through this blog, any sane man would…
As he should. Because I don’t really want a man. Not really.
I told a friend earlier today,
“I am a walking tempest. It would be much more fun to be a walking temptress.”
But it wouldn’t be (okay, maybe just a little…).
I wouldn’t say I am lonely, because I am actually craving time alone. But I also hate it, because that’s when the storm happens. That’s the battle within me –
I fear the storm but I also know that I need walk through it alone.
I see clearly that I am just seeking another distraction, which sounds INSANE considering how distracted I already am. I’m looking for someone to pull me out of my head and into my body for a while.
I know that’s not the solution. That will not calm the storm within me. It will only delay it and potentially, exacerbate it.
So, it’s time to batten down the hatches, as they say.
Wow, that was a totally unintentional euphemism. I think I need to leave that there, because it’s really, really funny.
“Tell us about yourself.”